I made a girl cry today. After I presented her with the evidence of her blatant cheating, she was either overwhelmed with remorse or just really good at crying. Either way, it made me sad. I don't remember the last time I actually felt any real emotion other than anger.
I stayed at school until midnight today doing last minute grading. It felt like college all over again. The maintenance staff was still there when I left. They tell me that when they have to go clean certain areas of the school, they go in pairs because they hear strange noises. sppppooookkkyyy.
I need to take a break and leave the country for a while. The motherland is calling me.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Phailblog part II
I administered a test a couple days ago on Newton's Laws to my two Pre-AP physics classes. 50 questions, mostly conceptual, some free body diagrams, etc. The class averages were 69 and 67. My two geniuses, whose tests I frequently use to double check my own answers, both got 88's. This was obviously a very challenging test.
Well, today, I had two students who were absent on test day, so I had them sit in the hall and finish their tests while my other students corrected theirs. My first mistake. When the two students finished, I graded their tests immediately so they could get caught up on their corrections. On the first test, I noticed many many eraser marks on the scan tron. To my surprise, the student only missed 4 answers which equated to a 92...4 points higher than my genius's. The other student got an 84...The first student had previous tests scores around 80s and the second student 70s...This was very alarming, but I didn't raise any accusations just yet. After class ended, I didn't want my geniuses feeling a sense of injustice, so I began my investigation. As a former student and quite good in the art of deception and manipulation, I knew that getting every answer right would raise many many flags, so there must be some decoy answers to throw off the scent. On the 92 test, I looked at the first wrong answer. Question number 14, the student selected D. That is all fine and dandy until I looked at what the question was asking...Unfortunately for this student...question 14 only had two answer choices...and D was not one of them. Interesting. At this point, I looked over at the other student's test in search of dummy questions. Lo and behold, questions 16 and 17, both questions with only A and B as choices, had been marked D. SRSLY?! Now surely, this could not be a simple mistake. I believe these students' actual folly was mistaking me for a decent human being. I am absolutely not. I am devious, I am petty, I am incredibly trifling. I am a physics teacher, and in addition to teaching physics, I teach humility, and I am not above taking these two suckaz down a notch. You can NOT play a player. Luckily, I have a meeting with an assistant principal tomorrow, and I will gleefully bring this matter to light. Nothing annoys me more than poor attempts at cheating. Do it right or don't do it at all.
Well, today, I had two students who were absent on test day, so I had them sit in the hall and finish their tests while my other students corrected theirs. My first mistake. When the two students finished, I graded their tests immediately so they could get caught up on their corrections. On the first test, I noticed many many eraser marks on the scan tron. To my surprise, the student only missed 4 answers which equated to a 92...4 points higher than my genius's. The other student got an 84...The first student had previous tests scores around 80s and the second student 70s...This was very alarming, but I didn't raise any accusations just yet. After class ended, I didn't want my geniuses feeling a sense of injustice, so I began my investigation. As a former student and quite good in the art of deception and manipulation, I knew that getting every answer right would raise many many flags, so there must be some decoy answers to throw off the scent. On the 92 test, I looked at the first wrong answer. Question number 14, the student selected D. That is all fine and dandy until I looked at what the question was asking...Unfortunately for this student...question 14 only had two answer choices...and D was not one of them. Interesting. At this point, I looked over at the other student's test in search of dummy questions. Lo and behold, questions 16 and 17, both questions with only A and B as choices, had been marked D. SRSLY?! Now surely, this could not be a simple mistake. I believe these students' actual folly was mistaking me for a decent human being. I am absolutely not. I am devious, I am petty, I am incredibly trifling. I am a physics teacher, and in addition to teaching physics, I teach humility, and I am not above taking these two suckaz down a notch. You can NOT play a player. Luckily, I have a meeting with an assistant principal tomorrow, and I will gleefully bring this matter to light. Nothing annoys me more than poor attempts at cheating. Do it right or don't do it at all.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Pham has no phriends.
"Pham has no phriends." is what a student wrote on my board after I announced to the class today that I was transferring schools. This was actually a lie. I just wanted them to shut up for a second. They did. "No you aren't. Stop lying," they laughed. Some of the more gullible, sweet girls asked, "are you really?" I couldn't help but affirm their fears. I actually saw some eyes water...but I couldn't help it. They knew I was lying, atleast 85% of their gut feeling was that I was lying. I was always lying. I tell them every day that I'm full of deception. But they took the bait. The seed had been implanted. Inception was complete. I decided to run with it, and I played "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" on my computer. I got a lot of, "if you leave, we'll be stuck with the bad teachers!" "You're one of my favorites." "You can't leave Mr. Pham! I was just starting to get along with you!"
I lie a lot. If they ask me if I'm going out during the weekend, I tell them I'll be at the library studying with a tall glass of milk. I hate the library, I hate studying, and more importantly, I'm lactose intolerant.
I briefly mentioned I was in Zoom. One of them bit, and soon the rest followed. I told them they wouldn't be able to google me because I was using a different alias. I told them I left that life in the Ohio branch of Zoom because of the politics and the drugs. It was a different life, a darker one. I didn't want to talk about it.
Students are a pain. It reminds me of the douche I used to be in high school. I remember my Spanish teacher gave me a B on some oral activity. After class, I argued the subjectivity of the grading. I argued that any grade less then a 97 in her class would lower my GPA because it was a regulars class. Basically, I didn't prepare. I put it off because it wasn't AP, and she knew. And now I know. She wanted me to take pride in everything I produced no matter what the gain was. I expect my pupils to do the same.
Students are a pain. Every once in a while, you'll catch a glimmer of hope in the corner of your eye, as you are vehemently shouting to the heavens in the middle of class, "why is this my life!?" There'll be that one smirk from the student who gets you, who gets why you do what you do. And you will be filled with serentiy for a transient moment in the epic tragedy that is your life. Then someone will say, "there was homework?!" and all sense of clarity will be ripped from your empty, souless carcass.
This IS my life. My life is comprised of fragments of tranquility bound together by the sinew of rage, frustration, and loathing.
But, you know, atleast I wasn't stuck in a mine for 3 months.
I lie a lot. If they ask me if I'm going out during the weekend, I tell them I'll be at the library studying with a tall glass of milk. I hate the library, I hate studying, and more importantly, I'm lactose intolerant.
I briefly mentioned I was in Zoom. One of them bit, and soon the rest followed. I told them they wouldn't be able to google me because I was using a different alias. I told them I left that life in the Ohio branch of Zoom because of the politics and the drugs. It was a different life, a darker one. I didn't want to talk about it.
Students are a pain. It reminds me of the douche I used to be in high school. I remember my Spanish teacher gave me a B on some oral activity. After class, I argued the subjectivity of the grading. I argued that any grade less then a 97 in her class would lower my GPA because it was a regulars class. Basically, I didn't prepare. I put it off because it wasn't AP, and she knew. And now I know. She wanted me to take pride in everything I produced no matter what the gain was. I expect my pupils to do the same.
Students are a pain. Every once in a while, you'll catch a glimmer of hope in the corner of your eye, as you are vehemently shouting to the heavens in the middle of class, "why is this my life!?" There'll be that one smirk from the student who gets you, who gets why you do what you do. And you will be filled with serentiy for a transient moment in the epic tragedy that is your life. Then someone will say, "there was homework?!" and all sense of clarity will be ripped from your empty, souless carcass.
This IS my life. My life is comprised of fragments of tranquility bound together by the sinew of rage, frustration, and loathing.
But, you know, atleast I wasn't stuck in a mine for 3 months.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
FailBlog
One of my unmotivated students got a 22 on my test so I took one of my "WOW" stickers and did this:
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Physics with Pham
It has been months since my last substantial post. Life has become inundated with work. It's not a bad thing for sure. Atleast, I AM working. I will resort to my handy old list format to express my feelings.
1. I am happy. I work 10-11 hour days, but it's all worth it. When I'm at school, I don't feel like I'm working except when I'm hungry or sleepy. In which case, they should just give me a bed and kitchen in my class room.
2. Good things keep happening to me, but I'm trying my best to pay it all back. I have a career that I adore. I have colleagues who I respect as educators and more importantly, human beings. I have great friends with great minds and hearts. I have Mel, even though she doesn't refill the brita and works so much that she never eats the food I make us. I have my CommUNITY, even though I owe Claudia a lot for missing out this weekend. I have my apprentice, Shamalams, who keeps me grounded with compliments in exchange for my self-proclaimed sage advice. I have my health...I think. I've been exercising regularly again, and I feel great. I have my Alien which provides me comfort and succour after long, arduous days of kinematics and vectors. I have a car that may look busted on the outside but runs smoothly on the inside. I have new glasses that have been quite useful in driving at night and garnering the attentions of fair maidens on 6th st. I have HEB that gives me great prices.
3. My students. This deserved it's own category. I have some brilliant band nerds. I also have some not so brilliant pupils who produce very little but still like my class cuz I'm crazy. One of my struggling pre-AP students asked with a fake frown and poorly disguised smile, "Mr. Pham, why are you so mean to us?" I was taken aback for a split second, but I just responded by laughing and laughing. I am quite mean to them, but the kind of mean that clearly expresses care and builds strong bonds. I like to refer to all of them as Nerds. Which is quickly deflected with, "if we're nerds, what does that make you?" To which I reply, "hey, I get paid for doing this, but you made a choice to be in physics...NERDS!" Then as their hearts sink into their chests, I say something like, "JK, I love being here, and I am not in this for the money!" I have a student named Kyle, and he is a bit of a trouble maker. Mostly, he just has a big personality and gets the students around him off task with his stories. Every day he walks through my door, I yell, "NOPE, turn around, not today!" or when he asks to go to he restroom, I tell him to feel free to take a couple extra minutes for self reflection. Aaliyah hates quizzes. Any time we have a quiz, she'll say that none of her other teachers have this many quizzes, which is obviously a lie. On my daily agenda posted on my projector, there are bullet points such as "1. Complete warm up. 2. Turn in late HW. 3. Have HW out for me to check. 4. Stop whining. 5. Yes, Aaliyah, we are having a quiz. 6. Seriously, stop whining." Some other antics are documented here at my class website physicswithpham.blogspot.com. I could go on for days.
4. Dating. I don't even think about it anymore. I am meeting new people, but nobody hooks me. My standards aren't THAT high. I mean, the whole doctor/lawyer/princess thing is just a recommended requirement. My minimum is just a girl with a big mind and a big heart and a big world in which I can grow. Obviously, physical attraction needs to be there too, but I have such a diverse taste that I can find beauty in anything. I just don't feel the desire to be with someone now at this very moment. So many people are obsessed with finding someone to love. These people just need to go Eat, Pray, Love in Italy or something. Luckily, for me, I didn't have to pay for such a journey because I'm already in love with myself and I've found my happiness in what I do and with whom I surround myself. For the moment, I'm quite content with just building life skills and becoming a more perfect and holistic being for when I do meet that someone who hooks me. Which leads me to my next topic.
5. I've decided to take risks. All my life, I've avoided the outdoors and doing crazy Austin things. One morning in the shower, I decided that I would starting doing things in order to be more attractive to interesting people. I started with stand-up paddle boarding with Maggie. This was a big step for me so shut up. Anyways, I tried it out...and it sucked. Why would anybody want to stand up on a big surf board looking thing and not surf. Don't combine canoeing and surfing. They are much better on their own. My next step is rockclimbing with Mike. Mike inspired me to get into shape again cuz he's super slim and buff now. Probably because Arlington sucks and there's nothing to do other than exercise. The same thing happened to Buddy when he was at Rice. So I'll be doing that. If I fall and break my already weak ankles, I will be sooooooo angry. After that, I'll try hunting. One of my colleagues at school is big on the outdoors. He's had all kinds of jobs involving nature. I think he was a park ranger up in the mountains or something. After hunting, I'll try "backpacking," whatever that is. I need to get into traveling. People seem to like it even with all the risks of tape worms, malaria, dysentery, sex trafficking, machetes, etc. I think people just like leaving everything behind and being free from the shackles of civilization. I think I like that part of it. I don't like having lots of stuff because I feel like you should be able to run away at any moment. I want to feel like George Clooney in Up in the Air...except I'd want to maintain healthy social relationships.
6. Is that enough for you blog vultures? May I get back to finally beating Dragon Age: Awakening so I can play the new downloadable content recently released? And then so I can play the new DLCs for Mass Effect 2? May I??!?!
1. I am happy. I work 10-11 hour days, but it's all worth it. When I'm at school, I don't feel like I'm working except when I'm hungry or sleepy. In which case, they should just give me a bed and kitchen in my class room.
2. Good things keep happening to me, but I'm trying my best to pay it all back. I have a career that I adore. I have colleagues who I respect as educators and more importantly, human beings. I have great friends with great minds and hearts. I have Mel, even though she doesn't refill the brita and works so much that she never eats the food I make us. I have my CommUNITY, even though I owe Claudia a lot for missing out this weekend. I have my apprentice, Shamalams, who keeps me grounded with compliments in exchange for my self-proclaimed sage advice. I have my health...I think. I've been exercising regularly again, and I feel great. I have my Alien which provides me comfort and succour after long, arduous days of kinematics and vectors. I have a car that may look busted on the outside but runs smoothly on the inside. I have new glasses that have been quite useful in driving at night and garnering the attentions of fair maidens on 6th st. I have HEB that gives me great prices.
3. My students. This deserved it's own category. I have some brilliant band nerds. I also have some not so brilliant pupils who produce very little but still like my class cuz I'm crazy. One of my struggling pre-AP students asked with a fake frown and poorly disguised smile, "Mr. Pham, why are you so mean to us?" I was taken aback for a split second, but I just responded by laughing and laughing. I am quite mean to them, but the kind of mean that clearly expresses care and builds strong bonds. I like to refer to all of them as Nerds. Which is quickly deflected with, "if we're nerds, what does that make you?" To which I reply, "hey, I get paid for doing this, but you made a choice to be in physics...NERDS!" Then as their hearts sink into their chests, I say something like, "JK, I love being here, and I am not in this for the money!" I have a student named Kyle, and he is a bit of a trouble maker. Mostly, he just has a big personality and gets the students around him off task with his stories. Every day he walks through my door, I yell, "NOPE, turn around, not today!" or when he asks to go to he restroom, I tell him to feel free to take a couple extra minutes for self reflection. Aaliyah hates quizzes. Any time we have a quiz, she'll say that none of her other teachers have this many quizzes, which is obviously a lie. On my daily agenda posted on my projector, there are bullet points such as "1. Complete warm up. 2. Turn in late HW. 3. Have HW out for me to check. 4. Stop whining. 5. Yes, Aaliyah, we are having a quiz. 6. Seriously, stop whining." Some other antics are documented here at my class website physicswithpham.blogspot.com. I could go on for days.
4. Dating. I don't even think about it anymore. I am meeting new people, but nobody hooks me. My standards aren't THAT high. I mean, the whole doctor/lawyer/princess thing is just a recommended requirement. My minimum is just a girl with a big mind and a big heart and a big world in which I can grow. Obviously, physical attraction needs to be there too, but I have such a diverse taste that I can find beauty in anything. I just don't feel the desire to be with someone now at this very moment. So many people are obsessed with finding someone to love. These people just need to go Eat, Pray, Love in Italy or something. Luckily, for me, I didn't have to pay for such a journey because I'm already in love with myself and I've found my happiness in what I do and with whom I surround myself. For the moment, I'm quite content with just building life skills and becoming a more perfect and holistic being for when I do meet that someone who hooks me. Which leads me to my next topic.
5. I've decided to take risks. All my life, I've avoided the outdoors and doing crazy Austin things. One morning in the shower, I decided that I would starting doing things in order to be more attractive to interesting people. I started with stand-up paddle boarding with Maggie. This was a big step for me so shut up. Anyways, I tried it out...and it sucked. Why would anybody want to stand up on a big surf board looking thing and not surf. Don't combine canoeing and surfing. They are much better on their own. My next step is rockclimbing with Mike. Mike inspired me to get into shape again cuz he's super slim and buff now. Probably because Arlington sucks and there's nothing to do other than exercise. The same thing happened to Buddy when he was at Rice. So I'll be doing that. If I fall and break my already weak ankles, I will be sooooooo angry. After that, I'll try hunting. One of my colleagues at school is big on the outdoors. He's had all kinds of jobs involving nature. I think he was a park ranger up in the mountains or something. After hunting, I'll try "backpacking," whatever that is. I need to get into traveling. People seem to like it even with all the risks of tape worms, malaria, dysentery, sex trafficking, machetes, etc. I think people just like leaving everything behind and being free from the shackles of civilization. I think I like that part of it. I don't like having lots of stuff because I feel like you should be able to run away at any moment. I want to feel like George Clooney in Up in the Air...except I'd want to maintain healthy social relationships.
6. Is that enough for you blog vultures? May I get back to finally beating Dragon Age: Awakening so I can play the new downloadable content recently released? And then so I can play the new DLCs for Mass Effect 2? May I??!?!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Cave of Wonders (Phamtastic exchanges w/ Ms. Eshe Cole)
Here's another gem for all those E.Cole fans out there:
Me: Hey Eshe, there's a new show on NBC with two black leads. Things are looking up.
Eshe: What's it called? Gangsta's Paradise? The Short End of the Stick? Lol
Me: Haha, it's called Undercovers. They are a married police couple. A positive image.
Eshe: Oh ok. I'm sure there's something wrong with it. Lol I'm such a hater.
Me: Haha, this convo is goin up on the web. Too funny
Eshe: Lol hey I'm just keeping it real.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Phametic Justice
A couple weeks ago, out of boredom, I surfed Hulu for something to watch. I didn't really want to commit to a new series so I picked a pilot. Louie starring Louis C.K. I recognized the protagonist was played by the cop from Parks and Rec so I gave it a shot. The series follows his real life as a comedian and recently divorced father. I was surprisingly satisfied. The only thing that threw me off was vocabulary in one of his stand-up scenes. He used the word "faggot." I rarely hear this word outside of high school anymore so I was a bit addled. Also, it weirded me out because the show is set in New York, and I didn't know NY audiences still laughed at that word. Anyways, next week, I noticed a 2nd episode was posted. The very first scene depicted a poker game among comics. Amidst a sea of beer and witty/crude banter, the show completely addressed my feelings about the first episode. They addressed the history of hate associated with the word. When a hate word is used, it carries the weight of that history regardless of the intention or context. When a person hears that word, he also hears the humiliation, the beatings, the abandonment, the injustice of that word. I hate hate speech. Not only because it is hurtful, but because it is uncreative and lazy. Hate words are too succinct. "That's gay" and "that's retarded" are too simple, too succinct, to express my hate. My hate for crocs is far too expansive to be expressed in a simple and lazy word. I'd prefer to elaborate on my disdain, thank you very much.
The next time you use a hate word, remember that the world is sending that hate right back at you in the form of a judgmental stink eye from me. Educate yourself. Evolve.
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