Phambushed in my own home!

Yesterday, 15 mins before Lost, I heard a knock at the door. I looked over at Thomas to see if he knew what was going on. I didn't think we were being loud so it shouldn't have been a complaining neighbor. I opened the door and there was this little African man holding a bunch of flyers. He was inviting me out to some nearby church. I thought to myself, oh, that's nice. But then he kept talking. On and on about how he was so lost before he found God's love, how all he wanted before then was to do what MTV told him to do which was make money, get women, and party all the time. I thought to myself, "you must be a very weak willed person if you allow a television network dictate how you live your life..." Then he started talking about how celebrities who chase those temptations such as Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson, Elvis, Johnny Cash, etc, realize at the end of their lives how miserable they are...Tiger Woods is one of the most accomplished athletes of all time, he hit a bump in the road, nothing that a couple billion dollars can't fix. Don't try to take away from our fraction of azn pryde we get from him. Michael Jackson made thriller, nuff said. Of course, I didn't verbalise any of this because he looked like a genu-wine believer, and he was kind enough to invite me to his church. But then he just kept on talking, and asked me the question that has plagued me since elementary school, "Do you have God in your life?" To which I could have lied, but he was a little African man, and that's just rude. Also, I would have gotten pwned if he called my bluff and played Bible trivia with me. Another possible escape would have been for me to say that Thomas was my gay lover and there was no salvation for me cuz I already stuck it in. I reluctantly, nervously, responded in a very convoluted way, no. What a mistake that was. He kept on and on and on and on. Is there some code word you people say to each other to be like, "hey, it's cool man, i'm on your side." Is there some Christian handshake you can teach me so I can avoid these awkward moments? And how did he know I wasn't one of his people? Do I have a holy water mark "heretic" stamped across my forehead and only believers can spot us a mile away? I am not lost, I don't feel some kind of hole in my life. I am quite comfortable with the idea of death. I have no problem believing that when death happens, that's it. I won't feel remorse for the way I've lived my life because I will live proudly, and I will be dead so self-awareness will not be an issue. I'm not some punk ass 7th grader trying to fit in with all the cool kids anymore. I appreciate the invitation, and I have very many outlets to explore these invitations. If America becomes a theocracy, sign me up. I can fake it with the best of em. But until then, do not interrupt my Lost time.