Completely Phammered

Early morning in Quang Ngai, my mother, sister and I went up to the roof to behold a....DOUBLE RAINBOW

We tried to explain the significance of this event to our mother to no avail.

I believe we next went to the resting place of my grandfather and his brothers and other phamily. We had to walk through some dense vegetation. All along the way, I hummed "Up to the Mountain" which as you know, will be sung by Mel's daughter at my funeral. My logic for this is because Mel will be too old or dead by that time. Also, I won't have my own daughter sing it because I am not allowed to have daughters. Yes, you are confused but here are my reasons. Daughters get pregnant. Daughters will be able to manipulate me into doing absolutely anything for them. Case in point, look at this hurricane of mischief and tell me how I could possibly tell her no.


anyways, it was very humbling to be near the dead and honoring them with flowers and incense.


The next day...I think...we went to Son My, the memorial of the events of the My Lai massacre. Needless to say, it was incredibly depressing. A massacre benefits absolutely no one. When men and women are thrust into war, they are called upon to do unnatural things such as murder. It's something I can't comprehend.



Later that night, we went to the beach at My Khe. I don't have those pics yet but I'll post them to fb laters. It was beautiful. There was a restaurant right on the beach that would serve us food and beer all night long. The weather is such that if it's late at night and you leave the water, it's still nice and warm.

Some time later, we went to My Son. Speaking of which, my second grandfather...brother of my dearly departed gramps...gave me a vietnamese name, Son, pronounced sung, which means mountain. I am MOUNTAIN! Ah yes, where were we, we went to My Son, which is the land that Vietnamese people invaded which was previously occupied by the Cham civilization. Does this seem awkwardly backwards and predestined??! I kid I kid...

OK, so next, we had to drive to Da Nang where my Uncle Nam lives. There is also an airport there which was method of travel to Hanoi. Anywho, Da Nang is an awesome tourist city with mountains AND beaches. It's beautiful. If I could live anywhere in Vietnam, it would be here with my Uncle and his well educated and cultured family. We took a really long thingy tram thing that goes up to the mountains. at the moment I can't think of the word because...well, i'll explain in a little bit. At the top, there is a resort which would be perfect for a honeymoon(hint hint ladies). There were monkies, and some idiot provoked them and the alpha chased him. Hilar.






Also, here is a giant Buddha which is Vietnam's response to the giant sword in Houston.

NEXT! we stayed at Uncle Nam's place, and after dinner, he took us all to a bar called Seventeen Cowboys. This was a cowboy themed bar which featured a filipino cover band consisting of 3 rocker guys, and 3 scantily clad female vocalists who performed such hits as "What's Goin On?" and "Firework." At the end of the night, the more rock voiced female sang an AC/DC song and I thought she was flirting with me but she was actually looking at my sister, GAY!...literally gay. I was so disappointed at myself.

In the morn, we had to go to the airport to head to Hanoi. My Hanoi uncle took me fishing and on our way out, his motor bike took a tumble on a decline and we fell ove. I was fine but he had a little wound on his knee. O Unk Hai. You can spot me a mile away on that motor bike as I am the only person holding on to dear life in stark contrast to the rest of the lackadaisical denizens of Hanoi.
After dinner, I went out with David Nguyen, Mel's older brother who was teaching English in Hanoi. Funny story, he tried to take me to the Hanoi's location of Seventeen Cowboys but was sorely disappointed that I had been there the night before. Here's us at some bars:


apparently, we got out-Texaned by the bar tender featured above on the sequence of a tequila shot. We were very ashamed.

Which leads me to now. It is 4 am. I am hungover/drunk/sleep deprived. Good night boners.