your face is phamiliar.

Much has changed in the last couple of weeks.
Teaching is hard. I make mistakes every day, but I am learning from them. As cliche as it sounds, the rewards are indeed limitless.
I have found myself to be newly single. It was an abrupt transition. I was on the receiving end as per usual, but that is only because I'm not brave enough to hurt someone I care about even if in the interest of my personal happiness. I've recognized this behavior in parents who remain together for the benefit of their children despite their sadness. As they say, those closest to you can hurt you the most. (wow...notice my passive aggression, how petty...)
I think we Americans have fallen into this conviction of true love. It makes us always wanting more, never content with what we have. We see other people who appear happy and inseparable, and we want this for ourselves and believe without a doubt we deserve this, and it is guaranteed to all citizens. But it is not. Only the pursuit of this fantasy can be guaranteed. We will not all acquire the same perfect happiness, much like I will never be LeBron James. Embrace what you have.
So Earthlings, I am searching for a new lifemate to carry my spawn into the next generation. In this age, where thinking is done by computers and heavy lifting is done by machines, I excel in the one thing that has yet to be synthesized: empathy. Surely, this characteristic is desirable in your offspring, so if you want well-adjusted, non-violent, socially manipulative, and morally sound progeny, please contact me soon.
Yes, much has changed, but some good has remained constant: my friends, my phamily, my children, and my insatiable desire to RANT! w00t!

With no pretense

The rain dots the pavement whereupon two dreamers stand. Behind a hollow gaze, she marks his name off a whimsically drafted to do list. As his world folds, she ponders fabric softener and finely compacted sheets of lint. Silly boy, there is laundry to be done. No rest for the wanting. The rain falls now with a deafening hush.

phamgrim's progress

i know i know! i'm really pushing it with my need to add "pham" to every word.

i completed my science 8-12 test this morning. it was easier than i thought it would be. i still believe all sciences that are not chemistry or physics are worthless to me. i don't care about cumulonimbus clouds.

i'm gonna start sending out my apps tomorrow.

goals:
get a teaching job
get teacher of the year award
get hebs excellence in education award
get all other possible teaching awards
apply for director position for local failing glee club as a side job
get certified to teach history
hit up civil rights
hand out freedom journals
find corporate sponsors to fund expansion of camp community to austin area
become director of said camp for austin area
get a french bulldog
maybe name it buddy
send glee club graduates to UT longhorn singers where they will meet lifelong friends

...more goals to come

Let's get to the point: I have great taste.

My current itunes playlist is so perfect that I am inspired to post it here. I originally made this playlist 2 weeks ago in preparation for camp. I had this grand idea that I would play background music during times set aside for writing, brainstorming, reflection, etc. for the campers. Unfortunately, they didn't need that much reflection time, so the playlist wasn't enjoyed in it's entirety. So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you in no particular order ...THE ULTIMATE PLAYLIST FOR STUDYING/WRITING/REFLECTING:

(much thanks goes to Mel, LC, Buddy, Sinae, probably Cesar, Mike, Phil, Sunjay, Julia, Pandora.com, Dischord acapella, So You Think You Can Dance, Camp CommUNITY, and LHS for helping me develop my impeccable taste in music)

1. where we gonna go from here - mat kearney
2. arms of a woman - amos lee
3. you will be my ain true love - allison krauss
4. latter days - over the rhine
5. getaway car - audioslave
6. say - john mayer
7. sticks and stones - dave barnes
8. holdin' on - citizen cope
9. world inside the world - rhett miller
10. keep it loose, keep it tight - amos lee
11. city - sara bareilles
12. hometown glory - adele
13. i'm yours(acoustic, not that commercialize poo they released) - jason mraz
14. chasing pavements - adele
15. the first time ever i saw your face - leona lewis
16. i shall not walk alone - ben harper
17. almost lover - a fine frenzy
18. blackbird - evan rachel wood
19. freebird - duets soundtrack
20. working on a dream - bruce springsteen
21. nickel creek - when you come back down
22. the heart of the matter - india arie
23. paperweight - joshua radin and schyler fisk
24. like you'll never see me again - alicia keys
25. dream - priscilla ahn
26. falling slowly - glen hansard and marketa irglova
27. warwick avenue - duffy
28. audience with the pope - elbow
29. lullaby - billy joel
30. after an afternoon - jason mraz
31. hallelujah - jeff buckley
32. lifesize - a fine frenzy
33. through the rain - mariah carey
34. until you - dave barnes
35. she's only happy in the sun - ben harper
36. the promise - tracy chapman
37. glycerine - bush
38. beautiful - me'shell ndegeocello
39. can you stand the rain - boyz 2 men
40. delicate - damien rice
41. the call - regina spektor
42. for me this is heaven - ransom notes
43. and so it goes - billy joel
44. number three - ben harper
45. the heart of life - john mayer

plz offer suggestions/addendums/edits because i have to study for the next 2 weeks. Good night.

Just because everything's changing, doesn't mean that it's never been that way before

Things I have done in order to progress my life in the right direction:
1. applied for an alternative teaching certification program
2. math 4-8 exam on june 19th
3. science 8-12 exam on june 27th
4. face-to-face lectures july 20-july 31
5. met up with old ap chem teacher who happily gifted me with lesson plans, worksheets, tests, and words of support
6. contacted austin ISD about on campus observation hours
7. Camp CommUNITY

Words can not express last week for me. I've never felt so completely free and happy. Once a year for 5 days, heaven exists. One moment, I can be completely humbled by the shear presence of strength around me, while in another, I am exalted by unconditional support and compassion. The students sent to this camp have overcome obstacles completely alien to my life, and yet they still rise. My faith in humanity rests with them. In them, I see change. I see what the world should be. I see what the world will be. By taking on the advisor role, I thought I would be imparting knowledge this time around. It never ceases to amaze me how much they teach me.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

ZzZz

I'm bored. Mel is slowly convincing me to become a teacher without really saying anything. I woke up this morning 30 mins before I normally do and just thought. At first, I was just thinking about my recently ended dream about my date with Miley Cyrus at a Bennigan's(which is sadly closing down, goodbye monte cristo!!)-like establishment. Anyways, we were chattin it up when a red haired man with a mullet and an Indian accent came over and harrassed us. I was so mad! Let Miley and I have our chicken strips in peace! FYI, i don't like miley cyrus at all...i think demi is better. also, i stopped using the shift key cuz i'm tired. anyways, after that, i started thinking about how bored i was. right now, i'm working at a doctor's office doing office work. it's really repetitive but it pays the bills. i'm also currently seeking employment in the science field, but that is getting me nowhere, especially since i'll die before i leave austin. and honestly, could i see myself doing that for the rest of my life? i need immediate goals, or i'll become another automaton of the system. then i started thinking about Camp CommUNITY and all the people who touched my life. doing that made me feel good. it made life worthwhile. unfortunately, i realized that an actual teaching position would have me interacting with all students, not just the leaders that i spent time with at camp. would i be strong enough to not shake the shit out of some mouthy high schooler? i dunno. but i do know that it's an immediate goal!! and the benefits are good...and it'll only take a week of class and 60 hours of observation to get certified...interesting.

sorry to kara for being a FLOGGER. i just really like video games!!

Open for Business

Hello all,
I shut down my blog temporarily until i could find a foothold. A couple weeks ago, I was thrown off the bridge of self-sustainability when my employers found it imperative to cut their costs by scratching me off the payroll. I was the easiest target being the youngest and clocking the least hours among my middle-aged cohorts. My supervisor was very much against this because he saw me as an apprentice, but alas, it was not his call to make. After telling me the situation, he offered me extra vacation time so I could have a spring break. This wasn't part of my contract, but we were thick as thieves. During this time, I went through the mini-depression that corresponds to any period of unemployment. It's a feeling of helplessness. It doesn't matter that you have the determination and willingness to work. You're not ever guaranteed the right to live. That's all I wanted anyways...just to live. My high school econ teacher always said, "there's no such thing as a free lunch." I didn't believe him back then. I always thought oxygen was free. Apparently not. There's a down payment on existence

Anyways, this feeling was quickly dispersed as I realized that my state of unemployment had few meaningful advantages such as federal loan debt deferment and unemployment benefits. Thank you Obama! I haven't signed up yet...here's why.

After I found out I was getting the boot, I quickly told some friends about it to see if they knew of any open positions. They were all very concerned, especially Buddy and Mel. During the past couple weeks, I received a bunch of emails from both of them listing job opportunities. Even though I had seen all of these listings before due to my exceptional internet job seeking skills, the thought was greatly appreciated.

The following Tuesday after my last day at work, Mel called and invited me to come back to the doctor's office where she works. The new girl serendipitously quit, and they needed a replacement while they found someone who could be an admin assistant permanently. Back during my previous state of unemployment, Mel got me a job there as well. She has a tendency of doing that, giving me breath.

I don't believe in miracles, divine providence, fairy dust, or magic...I am a scientist. I believe in facts. And the fact is, I live and breathe for I walk among angels.