Good morning Vietpham!

It's 4 AM. My first day back at work starts in 4 hours and I can't sleep. When I try to sleep at night, my body thinks I'm taking a nap and wakes up 2 hours later with a head ache. I hate jet lag. I'll be crashing during the day because I already have a knack for falling asleep during professional development presentations. On the agenda for today is "formative assessment strategies" ZzZzZz. Hopefully, my colleagues will be able to keep me awake with their snarky comments. I have the best coworkers.
I keep having to go back and delete the "extra space" after sentences because Jack the Lawyer informed me that two spaces after a sentence is a "time-honored mistake."
Well, because I can not sleep, I've decided to finish up my Vietnam posts. Last time, I ended on my first night in Hanoi when I went out with David to the discos.

Hanoi is a very interesting city. It is a much more modern metropolitan area than most of Vietnam. The citizens seem to dress much nicer than other parts. The women are beautiful. They are all slender and tall and keep up with the latest fashion trends. The dialect in the north is very difficult for me, a southerner, to understand. Mel's family speaks this dialect. I jokingly refer to it as bourgeois. The men in Hanoi sound like a mix of Orochimaru, Mario Cantone, and Lil Wayne. It's quite flamboyant. Every word spoken seems to begin with a "Z" sound. For example, if a racist such as Thomas ever visited Hanoi, he would pull back his eyes and say "zing zong zing zong."




Okay, so here is a photo of my sister, mother, uncle, and I as we were leaving the airport. You may notice I am as big as a house due to all the food my relatives keep throwing at me.


Later that day, I went fishing with my uncle, and we caught absolutely nothing.


This night was also the night that I went out on the town with Mel's brother David. You can see those pictures in the previous intoxicated post.

The following morning, we went sightseeing. I saw the corpse of Ho Chi Minh at his Mausoleum in the middle of Hanoi. Don't tell my dad that I went here. He'll probably beat me. He's still pretty sensitive about the whole war thing. I dunno, something about the whole being forced to reign hell fire down on his own countrymen really ground his gears.


Here is the pagoda built on a single pillar. It's supposed to be some kind of engineering marvel.


In the center of Hanoi, there are two lakes. In Hoan Kiem, or Lake of the Returned Sword, there lives a 100 year old turtle who is currently very sick. The name of the lake refers to a legend of a king who was given a sword by a giant turtle, and after the king defeated his foes, he returned the sword to the giant turtle.

This much like the King Arthur/Lady of the Lake legend, or the much more famous Lion Turtle/Last Airbender legend. ENERGYBENDER!

Completely Phammered

Early morning in Quang Ngai, my mother, sister and I went up to the roof to behold a....DOUBLE RAINBOW

We tried to explain the significance of this event to our mother to no avail.

I believe we next went to the resting place of my grandfather and his brothers and other phamily. We had to walk through some dense vegetation. All along the way, I hummed "Up to the Mountain" which as you know, will be sung by Mel's daughter at my funeral. My logic for this is because Mel will be too old or dead by that time. Also, I won't have my own daughter sing it because I am not allowed to have daughters. Yes, you are confused but here are my reasons. Daughters get pregnant. Daughters will be able to manipulate me into doing absolutely anything for them. Case in point, look at this hurricane of mischief and tell me how I could possibly tell her no.


anyways, it was very humbling to be near the dead and honoring them with flowers and incense.


The next day...I think...we went to Son My, the memorial of the events of the My Lai massacre. Needless to say, it was incredibly depressing. A massacre benefits absolutely no one. When men and women are thrust into war, they are called upon to do unnatural things such as murder. It's something I can't comprehend.



Later that night, we went to the beach at My Khe. I don't have those pics yet but I'll post them to fb laters. It was beautiful. There was a restaurant right on the beach that would serve us food and beer all night long. The weather is such that if it's late at night and you leave the water, it's still nice and warm.

Some time later, we went to My Son. Speaking of which, my second grandfather...brother of my dearly departed gramps...gave me a vietnamese name, Son, pronounced sung, which means mountain. I am MOUNTAIN! Ah yes, where were we, we went to My Son, which is the land that Vietnamese people invaded which was previously occupied by the Cham civilization. Does this seem awkwardly backwards and predestined??! I kid I kid...

OK, so next, we had to drive to Da Nang where my Uncle Nam lives. There is also an airport there which was method of travel to Hanoi. Anywho, Da Nang is an awesome tourist city with mountains AND beaches. It's beautiful. If I could live anywhere in Vietnam, it would be here with my Uncle and his well educated and cultured family. We took a really long thingy tram thing that goes up to the mountains. at the moment I can't think of the word because...well, i'll explain in a little bit. At the top, there is a resort which would be perfect for a honeymoon(hint hint ladies). There were monkies, and some idiot provoked them and the alpha chased him. Hilar.






Also, here is a giant Buddha which is Vietnam's response to the giant sword in Houston.

NEXT! we stayed at Uncle Nam's place, and after dinner, he took us all to a bar called Seventeen Cowboys. This was a cowboy themed bar which featured a filipino cover band consisting of 3 rocker guys, and 3 scantily clad female vocalists who performed such hits as "What's Goin On?" and "Firework." At the end of the night, the more rock voiced female sang an AC/DC song and I thought she was flirting with me but she was actually looking at my sister, GAY!...literally gay. I was so disappointed at myself.

In the morn, we had to go to the airport to head to Hanoi. My Hanoi uncle took me fishing and on our way out, his motor bike took a tumble on a decline and we fell ove. I was fine but he had a little wound on his knee. O Unk Hai. You can spot me a mile away on that motor bike as I am the only person holding on to dear life in stark contrast to the rest of the lackadaisical denizens of Hanoi.
After dinner, I went out with David Nguyen, Mel's older brother who was teaching English in Hanoi. Funny story, he tried to take me to the Hanoi's location of Seventeen Cowboys but was sorely disappointed that I had been there the night before. Here's us at some bars:


apparently, we got out-Texaned by the bar tender featured above on the sequence of a tequila shot. We were very ashamed.

Which leads me to now. It is 4 am. I am hungover/drunk/sleep deprived. Good night boners.

The Prisoner of Azkapham

My mom booked us a trained ride from Saigon to Quang Ngai in central Nam. Julia and I thought, "awesome, we've always wanted to ride a train, see the country side, eat chocolate frogs." NOPE. When we arrived to the station, we repeated to ourselves, "This is NOT Hogwarts Express, this is NOT Hogwarts Express." It was more like Azkaban on wheels.



It smelled like urine/feces/oldman/uncieOro. OH also, we had to bunk with 1 strange old man who talked in his sleep. Did I mention there was a squat toilet?! Did you see the cot-like seating? How do you expect me to sleep on the fucking Midnight Meat Train?! Instead, I listened to a little more HP audiobook, but that got me sleepy so I switched over to The Moth and TAL reruns. I LOVE my stories. I especially love the sad stories. There is something beautifully humbling about the quiver in a person's voice as their heart breaks, even moreso when that break has never been healed. It sounds the same in every story regardless of the person, good or bad, strong or weak.

After 14 hours of dank dank, the bad kind, we finally arrived to meet my Uncle Hung, his wife, and Uncle Binh's wife. Depending on whether or not they are on your mom's or dad's side, you have to call them different titles. It gets really confusing so I am going to remain very general. They took us to their nice house in the middle of a large field of vegetation. Uncle Hung is a distributor of Nescafe so there were a bunch of trucks. In many Vietnamese homes, the work place is on the first level along with the kitchen, the second level is the living area, and the third level is the prayer room to honor the dead and a roof to dry clothes.

I'm thinking space for a back yard is limited especially in the city so upward expansion is the way to go. Also, restrooms don't have bath tubs. It's just a toilet, next to a shower head and everything is tile. There's a drain in the ground.
Here is a view of the surroundings:



Uncle Hung and his family, the little girl is also referred to as Boo.



During all my meetings, various family members made it appear that my mother has been telling them that I was planning on going back to school. You see, my mother is a very materialistic person. She likes to exaggerate about everything. If she says that we have a cousin who is a lawyer, he is actually taking his LSAT. If we have an uncle who is the CEO of a multibilllion dollar company, he is actually the owner of a grocery store. She has a skewed sense of success and image problems. I believe this is a combination of coming from a successful family in Vietnam to America where my parents found themselves living the life of luxury, and then falling from these unimaginable heights into their current state. The American value of greed has weighed heavily on her and my sisters and I have been chipping away at this for the last couple years as adults. The Pham children are proud people who find solace in the service of others. This has perplexed her. Anyways, my sister and I have had to get crunk on her multiple times this trip. It's especially hard to explain to her that I don't work to make money, I work to make change. No one else can do what I do. This got me thinking about the value of a person's life. If I can change one person's life, that is worth more than any amount of money. Therefore the value of life is priceless. The US took many lives from Africa during the slave trade. There have been many attempts to repay this with money. Unfortunately, many parts of Africa are still impoverished regardless of many many years of monetary help. Money can't help anyone if love and education are not offered as well. The value of a human life can never be understood if you've never truly helped someone. This is why I do this MOM!!! Well, she'll be fine in the end. My sisters and I will fix her back up before the white light takes her. Anyways, teaching is what I'm supposed to be doing. It's what I was meant to do. That sounds awfully religious of me, but lately, I've been kind of obsessed with faith, the Dalai Lama, Tong Lin, and nature of mind because of the Moth and speaking with mah besties. Go check out Jack Hannibal on the Moth.

OH, one thing that I'll def be taking away from this experience is this awesome bedding!

It's like a yoga mat, but it has larger segments that are polished or something. It's surprisingly comfortable because it remains cool at all times and conforms to your body in a way that doesn't ruin your back. I want it on mah bed!! It's definitely a halfway point between a mattress and THIS:

When I first saw this, I thought it was a low-standing dining room table or a queen-sized bench. One morning, I saw Uncle Huy sleeping on it. CRAZY. I just don't get it. Does he know how awesome a mattress feels?! Also, how does one make love on a slab of wood? Surely, you'd break a patella or two.

Today, I'm headed for shopping and eating in DaNang, some touristy spot in central Nam. A couple days after that, I'm getting on a plane to Hanoi. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet up with Mel's brother David up there. (There's mel's one shout out this post. Why is she my life?)
I will leave you with this last photo of the Pham talkin bout politics and conflict in the South China Sea regarding OIL!! Different country, same problems.

Phamerican Phairlines

No, I didn't not fly American, I flew Korean Air. The plane was quite comfy, and the flight attendants all looked exactly alike. Every sentence ended with "-nida." Adorbz. I wanted to give them all fans and have them giggle behind them in unison at all my jokes. I started the flight by reading the final two Astonishing X-Men graphic novels written by Whedon and penciled by Cassaday. I'll probably read the next two even though they are written by someone else. After that, I commenced a movie marathon.
1. I am Number Four. This was surprisingly captivating, mostly due to Quinn Fabray playing the female lead. I would recommend it if you are flying soon.
2. Blue Valentine. This was a beautifully told story about birth, growth, and death of a relationship between Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. I would definitely recommend this movie except not on a plane with little children running around. There is quite a bit of nudity and sexuality. HOT.
3. Country Strong. Yuck. This was the most convoluted story ever. It was like Inception except with bad acting, writing, directing, etc. Yuck.
4. Rango. I fell asleep. Also, I wish it were A Bug's Life.
5. Tarzan. Phil Collins duh.

After the 1000 hours of flight, I finally landed in Saigon where I was picked up by my mother, her cousin Cuong, and his driver. Apparently her uncle is a big deal in international shipping and they have a fortress in the middle of Saigon. It's pretty nice relative to the rest of the city.
Here is my room:


Look at this cute little girl. We refer to her as Boo.


After this short visit, we went to my dad's uncle's house. We ate balut, one of mel's favorite dishes. AKA boiled duck fetus, yum!

Later that day, we went over to my mom's sister's house where I finally met G-mama Pham. Well, that's not really her name, nor is it gangee, meemaw, or gran gran.
Here she is with some of the kids:


For dinner, we ate chicken, rice porridge, grilled venison, and some ginger pork. All incredibly fresh and delish.

I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night with this climbing on my neck...so I killed it. Come at me, bro.


At around 5 AM, a rooster crowed. I'm convinced it was Chanticleer from Rock-a-Doodle-Doo.

I hopped on a motorbike, popularly known in Vietnam as Xe Honda (vehicle Honda) with my Uncle Huy who took me, my sister, and our cousin to a coffee shop to have ca fe. Unfortunately, nobody was there who could translate so I was forced to use Vietnamese. I was pretty amazing. My uncle is a math teacher at the local high school. In his home, there was even a chalk board with some derivatives. He also grows these special flowering trees that are used mostly during Tet time. He sells them for about 1G each or rents them out. My Vietnamese got a little better so watch out Mel, no more English in our home. You're judgmental mother will be so proud the next time I see her. After coffee, he took me to buy some tizight loafers, and then we went to Pho 24. It's supposedly the most popular pho place in Nam. The beef was super fresh, the tripe was exceptional, and the rice noodles were much thicker than in the States. We did some more shopping after that and more coffeeing. When we got back to the house, my aunt already had a meal prepared for us. More of Mel's favorites:


Back to those Xe Hondas, that shizzz is crazy. Traffic laws...seem not to exist. Driving into oncoming traffic happens...a lot...and nobody seems to care. One important thing I noticed was that honking was a sign of safety as opposed to an act of aggression as in America. Which would bring me to a deeper, inciteful observation, but I can't get into that now cuz my sister reallly wants to email her bf.

JP OUT.

55 Days of Summer (of Pham)

55 days down, and 20 more to go. Summer of Pham is, as many of you know, awesome. Everything is coming up PHAM. I believe that the tipping point of this golden age occurred when I decided to adopt a "say yes" philosophy. Basically, when anything came up, I would just say yes and go for it. Let's recall a few key points and events that have comprised this renaissance period in my life.
Camp CommUNITY 2011. As usual Camp was a-MRAZ-ing. It's so easy for me during the school year to lose sight of why it is I do what I do. Fortunately, every summer, I am reminded of my reason.
25.5 Half B-Day. My friends are awesome. They will still take time out of their day to attend a made up event in my honor just so I can have an excuse to see a pretty girl.
Outdoorsy. This word can describe me now. I do stuff.
Thursday's with Mike and Lisa. They are really good at hosting and cooking. I would like to model my adult life after them. Also, I wish Mel were as tidy as her sister :(
Dubstep parties. Gerardo Contreras opened my eyes to this heart-pumping night life. In Houston, Maria and I went to a Gritsy show that had a wall of bass. I could feel the intense beats through my entire body. It was exhilarating.
4th of July on Lake Conroe. Mel's phamily is really fun to be with except when her mother is judging me.
The single life. Mel went through a single phase and Thomas was absurdly accepting of it. She started hanging out with Rachel and Bobby and went wild. Luckily, I got to partake on this experience. We had a blast.
Prom. Maggie is a really good friend to me. We can go weeks without seeing each other and pick up right where we left off. Also, she's always downtown so I'm never alone.
Health. All of my free time allowed me to give priority to my health. I would wake up early, go to the gym to kill time, go grocery shopping, cook lunch, take a nap, and then have many hours until evening activities commenced. I love summer.
Tony and Sarah Wedding. I had the privilege of singing at this wedding with 5 of my fellow male Singers. Being together again made me really nostalgic. I miss singing in an ensemble with talented vocalists. The whimsical moments where every note is in harmony, and the ends of phrases where there is an excruciatingly loud hush surrounding my body, and just as suddenly as it all happens, these moments evanesce into the aether. Tony is possibly the most reliable and kind-hearted human being I know. I have known Sarah for about 10 years. I have watched her grow up into a beautiful young woman. This union is one of the few marriages I truly believe in. I am honored to have been a part of such a meaningful day.
Pretty girl. I met a pretty girl with a big brain and an even bigger heart. My many attempts to impress her have made me into a better human being. I like making her laugh...a lot.
Vietnam. Tomorrow, I leave for Vietnam. My mother and little sister are already over there. I am incredibly anxious to go on this journey because I have no idea what to expect. I bought a shit ton of pepto. I also purchased a shockproof, waterproof, freezeproof camera so that I may blog about my travels. Please pray for my safe return...My soft skin and nubile figure make me a prime target for the illegal sex trade :(
Farewell friends, I miss you already.

This is Living part II

For so long, we have lived this life of privilege, and we have forgotten our brothers and sisters on the other side. "Ain't no reason things are this way." "Just because it is, doesn't mean it should be." They were in pain. They were invisible. But we opened our eyes. We heard their voices. We gave each other hope. What more is there in life? This is living.

The heart of our community is an ocean. Let us absorb the world's pain and allow the healing to begin.

Thank you Camp CommUNITY 2011. You are my reason.

see equals phambda eff

Last week, the school district was terrorizing us by holding unemployment over our heads. So far, I've managed to lay low. I told my students to warn me if they saw a principal coming my way to which I would initiate a flight or FLIGHT response. I don't have a fight response due to my tapered joints. (I have skinny ankles and wrists, but they make me an unexpectedly fast sprinter.)
One day after school, one of my struggling pre-ap students came in to finish some work and get some things straight. He had been emailing me about his recent absences and missing assignments. He told me that he transferred to a pre-ap class to prove to his younger siblings that success was an option for them. Apparently, his older siblings were not the best of role models. On top of this, he works more than part time so that he can afford a car. I asked him if work were a necessity. His impetus was two-fold. Firstly, he had to get out of the house. Unfortunately, the environment is quite unbearable due to his slacker older brother who taunts him for trying so hard. Secondly, he wanted to purchase a vehicle so that he could stay at school after hours and get help in his classes. This would also help him get to and from ACC during the summer. He hopes to graduate early and get some college courses out of the way to save money. Mind you, this is the first time I had ever spoken with him so in depth about his life. At the conclusion of our conversation, he thanked me. He thanked me for being his physics teacher. Up to this point, I didn't feel like I ever gave him extra attention or went out of my way for him. Up to this point, the week was a shitty week. The month was a shitty month. The whole damn semester was just an utter shitstorm. But this, this made up for everything. I had forgotten what that was like, genuine, selfless gratitude. When was the last time I said something like that? I don't think I ever have. Maybe only in writing.
The other day, a few students were playing MASH instead of doing their class work. If you aren't familiar with it, it involves pencil, paper, and predicting such things as your future home: Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House. One of the other more fatalistic students and I concurred that most of the students in that class could only play the game of S. The dreamers could only smh us.
On April 1st, they pelted me with cascarones. Luckily, it was pre-ap, and they throw with their nerd arms.