2009: A Year of Growth and Grievances

January: The Gaza War. Obama Inauguration.


February: Michael Phelps got in trouble. I started this blog because of that "25 Things" craze was blowin' up facebook. Another medium to make Mel cry. Rewatched My Sassy Girl. Discovered my future wedding song. Guys' Night Out to the Yellow Rose :)

March: Sorority Life happened...like forealz. Battlestar Galactica graciously concludes its way to the number 2 spot on my list of fav tv shows. Started watching The Wire to satiate life after BSG. Mel saves my life once again(see entry from April 2009).

April: Susan Boyle, so overrated. Baby Nia was born :)

May: Mel convinces me to teach, once again, meddling in my life and making me follow my dreams. Buddy goes white dad on Luis. Tina Fey reminds me that long distance is the wrong distance. Glee begins prematurely, failing to find a competent male lead to match Lea Michelle's unrelenting raw talent.

June: Camp CommUNITY reinforces my journey to teacherhood and my faith in the goodness of mankind despite the soon to follow Iranian Presidential "Elections." A pretty girl, a park bench, and a promise. (HEY, that could be the title of a good short story.) The King of Pop dies. Experienced the awesome healing powers of Chik-fil-a.

July: Met Carlos and Lunchbox downtown! Got a speeding ticket in Itasca County. Realized the magnetic attraction between Claudia and I when our cars collided. Regina Spektor releases a new album.

August: Thomas leaves for Dallas :( Mel cries...I think. I interview the one and only BOBBY BONES! Finished watching The Wire, sealing its eternal fate to the number one spot on my favorite tv shows list! Wicked for the first time and not in youtube format. The Wire pwnz TV, Wicked pwnz the stage, and Avatar pwnz the cinema(but more on that later). Healthcare reform debates happen and everybody talks about it even though its the most boring topic ever!!!! Here's my solution: STOP EATING, DRINKING, AND SMOKING SO GODDAMN MUCH! The Moth finds its way to my heart and adds the art of story telling to my life.

September: September 4th of 2009: The first day of the rest of my life as Mr. Pham. Carl leaves :( Mel def cries. Got swine flu(I think, not sure, Vietnamese people don't rely on doctors, we just walk it off).

October: We are so not talking about it.

November: I did a lot of outdoorsy things with my whitefriends. weird. Discovered the tranny power of Jiz. I reconnected with my awesome Phamily.

December: SOMEONE(not namin names) busted the windows out my car, and no it didn't mend my broken heart. My big douchey bday celebration. I woke up full of rage but apparently everyone had a good time (minus mel) so I was happy. Christmas party was fun and scandalous (amirite guyz?!) AVATAR!!! My overpriced and unnecessarily powerful alienware arrived. Carl comes back from army :) Sarah leaves for Arlington :( JJ hires people to make me happy. I await NYE.

Ultimately, this year was a time of major growth in my life both professionally and personally. It was a sinusoid of emotion and anxiety but concluded on a positive slope(+m). I am surrounded by genuinely good people. What more could I ask for?

The Phamtastic Adventures of Mr. Santa and Buddy's Balls

12/11/09 - I excitedly drove home from work, immediately jumped into bed...ended up watching The League. Mel got home around 500 confused as to why I was still awake. We took a power nap at 530 in order to prepare for the night. Woke up at 630, showered, ironed, got dressed, downed a Resurrection sans gurana or taurine, and then we were off to SZ for a night of debauchery and mayhem.

Dinner was nice. The lighting was weird though...Bryan, you should work on that.

After dinner, we went straight to Barcelona, the vampire underground. As trashy as dirty 6th is, I can't help but enjoy myself when I'm there. After our rendezvous with several additions to the party, we headed over to cheers/frat central where a large mass of northface densely packed the small hovel. That party was dead anyways, so we went to visit the dancers at malaia. They are such good hosts. Of course, the night would not have been completely douchey without some jaguh bahmbzzzz at latitude! At this point, things get fuzzy. Next thing I know, I'm at spill huggin on Erica, who smelled ever so nice. After a bit of dancing, the bouncer dubbed me too douchey to stay, so I got kicked out. Whatevz, i'm a patron. But that's okay cuz next stop: Koreaaaaa!

What came to pass was a series of flashes of holding a mic and singing my heart out.

(I started this post about 2 weeks ago and forgot everything.)

Next day was the Christmas party. It was mostly successful because Mr. really did show up in a Santa costume per my request even though I was 99% sure he couldn't even make it to Austin that night.

Now I will end this post so I can start my year in reflection piece.

My Grown Up Christmas List

1. Mr. Matt showing up on Saturday in a white dad Santa costume
2. smelling of whiskey and firewood
3. bearing presents of Big Mouth Billy Basses,
4. nascar koozies
5. and peace on earth...

NEXT on Elimidate!

After reminiscing about A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila (mel bought season 1 on dvd (-.-)), I've realized that people can make themselves seem more important if they hold competitions for their love. So...GAME ON D-bags!

This Friday is my birthdouche bonanza. 3 people have cancelled their rsvps so I have 3 seats open for, you guessed it, suitors!! The 3 suitors will be provided by 3 different friends. THE TWIST: The girl who is elimidated must immediately leave the premises along with the friend who brought her!!!!!!!!!
The first elimidation/nexting will occur at dinner. This can happen at anytime. The girl walks in wearing Northface, automatic NEXT! Turns down my sake bomb, NEXT! Obviously, they will need confessionals to talk trash about the other competition, myself, or LC. I'm thinkin' Buddy and Thomas can work the cameras.
Next elimidation will occur downtown. Get in my hairspace and prevent me from busting my move to the fullest? NEXT! Get jealous when I wave to my Malaia girlz? NEXT!
The final elimidation will go down at karaoke. Refuse to air guitar for me whilst I sing the sweet melodies of Scott Stapp and CREED? SOOOOO NEXTED it's not even NEXTfunny!
The victory date will obviously happen at Whataburger over a fine powerade? jk, sweet tea of course, and gravy drenched chicken tenders. The victory date will continue all the way to my boudoir, heeeeeeyyyyyy!
BONUS: triple points for a medical school student...SHELBY! i need to be taken curr of.
Anyways, we'll release the DVD with special features on Sunday including my decision on my future relationship with the elimidated friends and of course, the full recording of One Last Breath in Dolby Surround Sound.

I gotta go teach my chirrens some life lessons.
Douchepham, out.

I'm in the mood to blog, simply because you're a d-bag.

It's been a strange series of months lately full of highs and lows. Thanksgiving break was much needed. The first night I went to Arlington, I met up with some of the guys at Hooters. I hadn't seen some of them in 3-4 years. It was great to just relax and catch up. The next day was Thanksgiving and the Phamily gathered to eat. Luckily, my aunt and uncle who are close to my age were able to come. I hadn't seen them in a while either. Later that night, the kids decided to go out to Dave and Busters. We didn't really play any of the games, just sat around and talked. It was nice to relate family experiences with people who actually get your family. The Vietnamese dynamic is something that few people outside of that world can understand. Anyways, I had an awesome time, and I hope I can meet up with them again soon. The next day, I met up with some other friends at the brewery for some delicious pizzas. Overall, it was one of the more positive homecomings for me. Saturday, I went back to Austin. I needed alone time to catch up on computer games, tv shows, and self-reflection, of course. Nobody was coming back in until the next day anyways.
On Sunday, Mel and LC came back, and we watched Definitely, Maybe. I had already seen it and fell asleep toward the end cuz I'm old.
On Monday, I went back to school, and NOBODY wanted to be there. The morning started off with a staff meeting of course. Luckily, it was an A-day, and none of the students had the energy to act up. That night, the regs and I went to Alamo to watch TMNT and gorge on all-you-can-eat pizza. I had 10 slices...I didn't even want the last 4...The movie was actually very entertaining. Usually, I hate watching childhood movies because they always fall below my expectations as an adult, but this one was refreshingly cheesy and enjoyable.
On Tuesday, I woke up to a busted in side window. Oddly, a couple days before, my sister's boyfriend's side window was busted in on Thanksgiving. These things come in threes! Watch your cars, friends! I called the glass people, but they wouldn't be able to come until the next day, so I just went to work. As my students saw me taping up some trashbags, they would shout out comments like, "Mr. Pham, what happened to your car? You make your baby mama mad?" "Mr. Pham, you know it ain't right to be creepin' round with another man's wife."
Buddy and JJ had a wine party...on a TUESDAY! WHY?! I, of course, can not help myself around wine and proceeded to spout off socialist propaganda(I am not a socialist...but apparently, Drunk Johnny is), divulge to the westerners the underpinnings of the Asian American family, commend Buddy on his succcess as a Master and his not so stereotypically western family, and rant about how my ex-girlfriend stole my car.
Wednesday morning, I woke up to the full realization that I had two meetings to attend, a lesson plan to finish, a guest observer during 3rd period, and a splitting headache. Luckily, I passed all of these things with flying colors. The observer even wrote that I was "competent and confident."
Yesterday was a good day. As stressful as teaching can be with all the extra administrative and parental duties we have, there are simple moments that make it all worthwhile. Two students came after school for tutoring. I hadn't laughed that much since the last time I saw Eshe. In any other profession, I do not believe I'd be able to connect to people on this level. To know that my life will be full of these kinds of moments makes it all worthwhile.
For dinner, Mel invited me over to Mike and Lisa's. Luke has meat boots! Babies and the fact that people have them still boggles my mind. It's all or nothing. You can't just stop being a parent. That is overwhelming to me. I am in no rush.
Things that I am excited for:
1. Sarah's graduation fajitas.
2. Douchepham's Douchetacular Birthdouche next Friday. I got the Need for Creed!
3. Mel and I's first Christmas party(casseroles, libations, and dirty santa gifts).
4. Shopping for our adopted family. I want to buy them everything on their list.
5. 2.5 weeks of winter break.

Cave of Wonders

Here are some gems of delight from a conversation with The Haile Cole:

upon discussion of my recent break-up:

Haile

i hear u...that sux...well look on the bright side...u aint got no kids homie

oh, and this one about child rearing:

Haile

lol

i think im gna be a child beater

i mean when shes older

lol

i cant stand no bad kids

10:48pmJohnny

that's good, people are too scared to do it these days

10:48pmHaile

i slapped my sister in the head today

lol

10:48pmJohnny

haha, what did she do?

10:49pmHaile

she has a smart mouth it just gets on my nerves. she think shes grown so sumtimes i have to knock her out

Out of Order

One of the computers in my classroom broke today. The teacher aide posted a sign on the monitor that read, "Out of Order, In Need of Boot"

...it took every ounce of my maturity to resist adding a "y" to the end of it...