The Coming Phamine

As I was perusing cnn this morning, I came across an article entitled, "out of work, burnt out, giving up." The article profiles 8 people who have been unemployed for 1-2 years and have given up. I am lucky. Most of the people around me are lucky. And it's just that. Luck. I can't say that I've worked harder than those 8 people to be where I am right now.

Did you know people are moving to Texas because there are more jobs here? Well where are those jobs?! That means that in other states, there are less than NO jobs. NEGATIVE jobs! My students sometimes have trouble getting their head around the concept of negative. This is a perfectly obscure and depressing example.

If the country goes to shit, I really need to invest my time in building relationships with some capable humans. From my knowledge of video games, I will need a strong leader, like a Paladin, able to boost morale and maintain relationships with other clans. Buddy would be good at that, but I think he'll be too diplomatic and we'll lose all our rations. Also, as white as he is, he was never an eagle scout. I'll also need a tank, someone who can absorb most of the damage, physical AND emotional. Most likely Thomas. He's gained a lot of experience from annoying Mel. Next, I need a ranger, someone to scout new territories and procure goods through guile and wit. Carl would be a perfect ranger due to his army experience, but he's all the way in some state that isn't Texas. The final key player would be a mage. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who has knowledge of arcane lore. Kinda screwed in this department.

If you are all wondering what my role is during this apocalyptic episode, I will be trying to convince everyone to stay indoors and not talk to strangers. I have zero survival skills. I can swim though so that puts me ahead of some people.

Hmm, I need bigger friends.

...like a big pizza pie, That's Phamore!

goals - My only goal that has survived the coming of Mass Effect 2 is budgeting. I'm hoping that I'll only need 2 playthroughs(doubtful, atleast 3) so I can go back to bettering myself for humanity.

Taxes - I used turbo tax, which is amazing. I finished in about 30 mins, and I am getting PAID. Thanks O. I really want to ball outta control with the return, but alas, it will toward my credit card debt.

Teaching - I realized why I enjoy it. It's so obvious, and I can't believe I didn't see it until now. I get off on being withholding as you all know, and in this profession, it is all about withholding information. I get all fuzzy inside when a student is suffering through problem solving because I know that through suffering, strength is gained. In our instant gratification-minded society, especially with a youth culture of texting, google, and wiki, many of us have forgotten what it means to truly struggle. I live by the Way of the Closed Fist rather than the Open Palm(thanks Jade Empire). Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, withhold from a man a method for procuring fish, and he will suffer and devise his own method...or something like that. I'm not saying I don't teach my students how to do something, I just make sure they understand there's more than one way to do it.

Phamore: Is emoticon usage considered a form of cyber flirtation? I think so. In celebration of V-Day, I think I'm gonna hit up Bobby Bones' Singles Mingle at Hula Hut. I'll probably just get drunk and hang out with friends, but who knows what could happen.

Mass Effect 2: It is a very very streamlined version of Mass Effect 1. So streamlined that it removes some of the RPG elements that I love. I want to micromanage inventory. I enjoy strategizing stat allocation. Exploring every crevice for salvageable booty is my favorite aspect of RPGs. None of these things are available in this sequel. Now, it is definitely a great improvement to the original, but I miss doing these menial tasks. Hopefully, the 3rd installment will be less action-oriented and bring back overly obsessive customization options.

LOST - It answered 1% of my questions but increased my question database by 500%. What is going on!?

Questions to ponder: How many times in his life has Mr. Matt sung "Proud to be an American" in a public venue? I'm thinkin' atleast 3 times.

Allergic Inphammation

I found out that I was allergic to shellfish during my junior year in college. My mom boiled up some crawfish. After I went to bed, I woke up itchy and angry. I looked in the mirror and my body was covered in red bumps. A couple months later, there was a crawfish boil at my apt. complex. Later that day, I was itchy and angry. I forgot about my allergy. Since then, I've been battling my craving for shrimp, crawfish, lobster, and crab. I let myself have a little bit if it's ever around. I still get a reaction, but I walk it off like any respectable first generation Vietnamese boy who grew up without healthcare. Last night, I went to Mama Roux, a well-known Cajun establishment. Everything on the menu had shellfish in it. I went for the catfish that had a sauce with crawfish tails. I'd eat around it, I told myself. I didn't. I ate and ate. I couldn't help myself, it was too delicious. Now, I sit here, all red. Never again I say...we'll see.

Pham, PHAM PHAM! (in the stylings of Michael Scott saying, "Pam, PAM PAM," in the stylings of Bam Bam from The Flintstones.)

This is a compilation of phamdom thoughts I had throughout the past week or so.

lady gaga - I find myself singing Bad Romance but in a Cher/Scott Stapp/Christina Aguilera voice. It's super fun, but it really hurts. coughing fits.

seinfeld - I love this show. When I was younger, I didn't really get it because it seemed like a bunch of middle aged New Yorkers talking about nothing. And it is just that! That's why it's so great. It seems that I can jump into any episode and enjoy myself. There is no need for commitment. I believe this is why Law & Order is so popular as well.

marriage - Some of my friends and I have come to the conclusion that we secretly enjoy when young marriages end in divorce. Of course it wasn't gonna work out, you're a freakin' kid! Sure this is somewhat petty and cynical, but it's life. Make better choices and reduce the already burgeoning financial and emotional debt in the world.

shore up - Is it just me or does it seem like this phrase has vomited all over America ever since the reign of Palin in '08? I hate this phrase! It sounds like shearing sheep...I don't want to collect wool from the economy or the natural disasters in Cali and Haiti. I hate this phrase! Don't use it!

Jersey Shore - The gem of 2010. The last time I felt like this about a filthy gorgeous show was season 1 of Charm School. And I hadn't felt like that since season 2 of Flava of Love. It is disgustingly wonderful. Everything I hate about 6th street is everything I love about Jersey Shore. Excessively gelled hair, exceedingly tight affliction/ed hardy shirts, juice heads, unnecessary drunken violence. It has it all!!! Tonight is the finale. It will be a bittersweet ending, however, Snookers is getting her own dating show! Snookin' for Love, w00t! I keep asking myself what I would give up to be on that show. The list is long, my friends.

Mass Effect 2 - For the past 2 weeks, I have been replaying the original Mass Effect in order to prep myself for the upcoming sequel(Mon, Jan. 26th). The sequel will allow players to import their characters from the first game to continue their development. Every decision made in the original will affect the story line of the sequel. This is brilliant. Mass Effect doesn't delve into political corruption as well as Final Fantasy Tactics or the Suikoden series, nor does it analyze religious corruption as well as Xenogears. What it does so well is combine the freedom to make overwhelming decisions and incredibly exciting gameplay.

Traitorous Boob Puns - Mel made a wall post about how I called out LC for telling Mel she had the BEST boobs, and then quickly turning around and telling Blake that she had the BEST boobs. This is known as breast treachery, and it will not be tolerated. Buddy, Thomas, and I decided to dub LC with a few monikers that embody her sin: Judas Breastcariote, Lando Brazzierian, Beneboob/tit ArnoLC, and et tu Brutits/Boobtus/Boobtits. This morning in the shower, I thought up Mammorykin Skywalker to play off of Thomas's Lando post. It's a stretch, but they all are. If YOU can think of any, please feel free to post them and add to our collection.

Happy Birthday to T-Rob and C-Ross.

JP OUT.

This Phamerican Life

I started listening to This American Life on NPR when I worked at the CPI. I needed something to fill time after my 3 hours of Bobby Bones was over. The show usually has 3 acts that correspond to a theme. My personal favorite was entitled "The Cruelty of Children." If you have time, have a listen. Reinvigorate the joy of storytelling. It will definitely make your workday go by faster.

reality sets in

I've been so out of touch with current events that I didn't even know about the earthquake in Haiti until I read Kara's blog last night.

Rescuers followed the flies. Wherever the insects buzzed meant a survivor or body lay buried underneath.
Probably one of the most poignant statements I've ever read is from CNN's latest coverage.

Some innovative people at RedCross made it incredibly easy to help out: Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts in Haiti.

List of Goals for 20PHAM(2010)!

I have a feeling 20Pham will be a big year for me. It'll be my first year as a real life human adult meaning I'll have a salary, pay all my own bills, etc. It's time to make a list.

1. Write. During one of my rants during a wine night, I expressed to my friends my desire to take a writing class. I never had this luxury in college due to the absurd number of hours of labs I needed. I've always enjoyed writing, but I don't know the first thing about it. I can construct a mean paragraph but forming all of those thoughts into a brilliant singularity is out of my power. For Christmas, Mel bought me 3 writing books: The Pocket Muse, How to Write the Story of Your Life, and GWW's Writing Fiction(even though we all agreed to do adopt-a-phamily instead of purchasing gifts for eachother). When I opened the gift, I thought damn...here she is again holding me accountable and forcing me to follow my dreams. I haven't decided if I'll take a class this summer yet. I may want to work and make some money, but this might not be possible since there are no jobs anywhere. I may also want to take what little money I do have and travel, but this might not be possible due to my VERY rational fear of death, rape, machetes, kidnapping, international law, tape worms, hostels, and especially MACHETES! One of my colleagues takes a night class at ACC, so that is always an option as well.

2. Work out regularly. After college ended, I took a yearlong break from exercise. I was broke and lazy so getting a gym membership was my lowest priority. But now I have one, and all of my friends do too so I have no reason not to go. Finding time to do so is difficult though. I work Mon-Thurs from 8-6, so my only viable options are Fri-Sun. 3 days a week is not bad, but 3 consecutive days makes me want to die. I've been going for the past couple weeks, and I already feel healthier. My appetite has increased and eating a lot makes me feel primal in a good way. I still get sleepy if I'm idle between the hours of 12-2pm. My goal weight is 150lbs, and my goal fat% is 10% for this year. I've been trying to consume a lot more protein, but still maintain a high level of fiber. I'm also eating throughout the day to maintain energy. For Christmas, my sister got me vitamin D and fish oil tablets so I've been taking those daily. I'm getting old so it's time to make slowly dying over the next several decades as painless as possible.

3. Budget. A couple months ago, I started an excel spreadsheet calculating my monthly income and bills. It has helped a lot, but I still really suck at budgeting. I just want to spend all the time. I will NOT spend anything until the 25th of this month.

4. Become a better teacher. I still feel so out of my element. There are a select number of people in my life who have truly humbled me by their ability to communicate complex concepts in a way that is tangible to every person in the room. I want that.

5. Watch the Godfather trilogy. I don't know how I've lived 24 years and never seen any of these films.

6. Get an ipod and resurrect my love for music. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by the idea that there may be the perfect song out there, and I will die never hearing it.

7. Find potential lifemates. I have this very rational fear that my chances of successfully producing progeny are dwindling every day. Minimum Requirements: Living. Recommended Requirements: Educated, witty(not necessarily CUTTING EDGE witty, but close), healthy(mentally, emotionally, and physically), thinks on a worldly level rather than an individual level, has good taste in the arts, financially responsible, understands what it means to be oppressed, understands what it is like to have a crazy family, and has good communication skills. Wishful thinking Requirements: doctor/lawyer/princess. Anyways, the winner gets a march down the aisle to Gabriel's Oboe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jSotUeV0WI, and a first dance to The Promise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crTc1V34m8g.

Optional goals: go fishing, learn to play piano, join a choir, go on a cruise(with American doctors and LAWS)